


Intervention

by Czigany



Series: Red Ink [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Gen, Mass Effect Kink Meme, No Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-28
Updated: 2012-11-28
Packaged: 2017-11-19 18:56:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/576554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Czigany/pseuds/Czigany
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zaeed is rather impressed by Joker's handling of the Collector attack and decides that weaponry is the best way in which to thank him. Shepard intervenes. EDI... helps. Short kmeme fill without the k.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Intervention

“Commander!”  
  
The call from the bridge was almost frantic, waking Shepard from where she’d fallen into an exhausted, troubled sleep at her desk. Her muddled brain registering panic, she was suited up and in the lift before she knew what she was doing.  
  
“EDI, status!” she barked, tapping her foot impatiently to the beat of her adrenaline-amplified pulse.  
  
“Jeff appears to be agitated, Commander. There are no issues with the Normandy and his vitals, aside from elevated heart-rate and breathing, appear to be stable,” the calm voice of the ship’s AI did little to ease Shepard’s tension.  
  
The fiasco of just a few hours ago weighed heavily on her; her ship felt too empty, too quiet without its crew. Anything she could do right now to fix even the slightest problem she latched onto immediately. As soon as the doors opened on the CIC, she was out like a shot, dodging the galaxy map and sprinting up the empty aisle to her pilot.  
  
“I’m here Joker, what’s wrong?”  
  
“This!”  
  
Seeing nothing out of the ordinary on his flight panels, Shepard leaned over his chair to see what he was gesturing at. There, laying innocently on the main console, were a matching pistol and assault rifle of a design she didn’t recognise. It was an unusual sight, but she was still unsure what the issue was. More information was needed, then.  
  
“Where did you get those?”  
  
“I didn’t,” the pilot protested. “Hell if I know where they came from either, Commander. I went to the bathroom and when I came back, they were just laying there!”  
  
“Interesting. Do you mind if I..?”  
  
She gestured to the weapons and he shook his head, pulling his hands back from the controls. “Go ahead. Miranda may have patched me up - she is _so_ not as good as Chakwas, by the way -  but that doesn’t mean I want to go breaking my bones firing anything but the Thanix anytime soon.”  
  
Humming faintly in agreement, Shepard gently took hold of the larger gun. Her eyebrows raised when she noted how light the weapon was. As she sighted it back down the flight corridor towards the galaxy map, she called a soft, “EDI.”  
  
The flickering blue globe that appeared near the port window was both a minor comfort and a faintly ominous reminder. “Yes, Commander?”  
  
Setting the assault rifle down on the empty co-pilot’s seat, Shepard retrieved the pistol and conducted a similar inspection. “Who approached the flight deck while Joker was out of his chair?”  
  
“I was instructed not to reveal that information, Commander,” the AI replied.  
  
“She wouldn’t tell me,” Joker grumbled, pulling his hat down over his eyes petulantly.  
  
Shepard swung the pistol around, safety clicking off ominously as though firing into EDI’s holographic manifestation was any kind of threat. Before she could warn the AI about repercussions, the mechanical voice resumed. “As the one who gave those orders is outside my chain of command however, I am free to divulge any information you require, Commander.”  
  
“You don’t even have a chain of command anymore,” the pilot muttered, still half-regretting the actions he’d been forced to take to repel the Collectors.  
  
Choosing to ignore the aside, Shepard twitched the muzzle impatiently over his head. “Well?”  
  
“Mr. Massani delivered the firearms while Jeff was away from the controls,” she replied. “They appear to have been from his personal stock, as he has purchased no new weapons since he has come aboard.”  
  
“Zaeed?” Joker swung his incredulous gaze to the left, looking directly at EDI’s globe for the first time since he’d unshackled her.  
  
Shepard looked similarly surprised, though she refrained from expressing it aloud. Looking back down at her pilot, she hefted the pistol slightly and gestured back towards the lift. “Are you going down to the cargo bay or am I, Joker?”  
  
He jerked around to face her, panic taking over his features, and she could only hold her flatly inquiring expression for a few seconds before snickering. His dismay faded to amused annoyance as she gathered both weapons and headed back to the lift, still chuckling. Turning his chair around to follow her progress, he called out just before she reached the doors, “Hope you don’t mind those ship models spontaneously disassembling, Commander, ‘cause I’ve got your next shore leave all planned out!”

 

\---

Just before they were scheduled to jump through the Omega 4 relay, Joker made use of the facilities once more. No way did he want to embarrass himself in front of the remaining crew if something went wrong on the the other side. When he returned, he found the weapons Shepard had taken settled back on his console in almost the exact positions he’d first found them in. This time, however, they were holstered in soft leather to compensate for his usual lack of hardsuit.  
  
As soon as he sat down again - warily, because this was the second time someone had put weapons on his flight controls while he was away - the panel he set aside for personal use registered an incoming message from the Commander. He flicked it open and skimmed it quickly before blinking and re-reading the note at a slower pace. The guns were prototypes meant for use in delicate infiltration-assassination missions: extremely light, near silent, and, most importantly, recoilless.  
  
Apparently, the scarred mercenary had been impressed with his performance during the Collector attack and felt he could do with some more advanced firearms in order to, in his words, “‘take a more active role in future battles..?’ What the hell?”  
  
He thought it over before sighing in resignation. If Shepard had returned them to him, she definitely agreed with Massani’s assessment. But why had she waited so long to get them back to the CIC? After few minutes, he gave in to his curiousity. “EDI?”  
  
“Yes, Jeff?”  
  
She must’ve been just _waiting_ for him to ask. He held back his irritation. Barely. “Was Shepard down in the cargo hold this whole time?”  
  
“Yes, Jeff.”  
  
It sounded like the AI knew more than she was letting on. Of course, it almost always sounded like that but still, he wasn’t letting it go this time. “Did she say why it took her five hours to gather five minutes worth of explanation?”  
  
There was a pause before she answered, sounding faintly amused but with an undercurrent of confusion. “I believe the term she used was ‘negotiations.’”  
  
Oh. Slouching in his seat, Joker stifled a laugh. Yet another thing to tease the Commander about. Typing out a quick reply - he could hear his grandmother lecturing him on the importance of thank you notes - he snickered under his breath. “Negotiations, huh?”  
  
He wasn’t expecting a response, but when had that ever mattered to the AI? “It was a most interesting session. I have yet to encounter a more... taxing... discussion in my review of related Extranet searches.”  
  
Joker would have sworn he didn’t breathe for a full minute out of shock before he found it hard to do so for the next ten he was laughing so hard.  
  
If a glowing blue orb could look smug, EDI would. Mission accomplished. On all fronts.


End file.
